Sunday, July 22, 2012

WOW #69: An Important Announcement

Attention Fellow World Citizens! AHEM!!

I have noticed that we are about to have something called a Presidential Election here in the United States. If you watch the news for very long, you wonder how on earth either of those guys who want to be President could possibly be chosen! Apparently they're BOTH terrible ogres who eat small children for breakfast and kick puppies and all sorts of other really mean things.

SO! I have decided that it is my duty as a United States Basset to RUN FOR PRESIDENT MYSELF!

I know, I know, it's a very big job, but it's only for four years, then I can go back to my job with Mummy at the Porsche Dealership. I feel that it is important for my country to have upstanding leadership from someone who isn't thoroughly evil, which, if the news is to be believed, BOTH of the other candidates are. Anyway, who can resist an adorable Basset?

My cousin Buster, who was once Governor of Virginian Bears is advising me.

He says that I'll need a platform and that he will help me build it just as soon as he's done with the big honey roast he's hosting this week. He also said that I will need a "Cabinet". I asked if he'd help me build THAT too, but he said that wasn't something you build, it's something you pick people for. It seems like you need a whole bunch of secretaries. I told him I only have a typist and SHE's not always very reliable. Buster has been explaining about all the different secretaries and so forth that I'll need.

I'll need a Vice President. Well THAT can be Turbo. He'll make a good one I think. Everybody loves him and Buster says that not everybody should be Bassets 'cause it might look like I'm discriminating...whatever that is.

Buster says I need a Surgeon General...will a Nurse General do? People like nurses better than surgeons anyway. Nurse Bimmer will be perfect for the job I think.

And I'll need a Secretary of De Fence. That's super easy! My good friend Bernie will be just right. He knows all about fences because he just got a new one.

Also have to have a Secretary of Steak. I know I'll have lots of applicants for that position...everyone may have to take turns, but I think my pal Baxter would be a good one to start. I'm sure he knows everything there is to know about steak!

Doesn't he just look like someone who knows all about steak?

Hopefully my good friend and step-dad, Jefferson Basset will be appointed AmBassetHound from the UK. I sure would be glad to welcome him to Embassy Row!

And of COURSE there will be excellent relations between the White House and my very dear Queen Bailey! I can hardly wait to dance with her at my first State Dinner!

[photo withheld pending Her Majesty's approval]

Now we need a Secretary of Boneland Security. I think that should be my Momma Dog, Samantha. She's very protective of bones. And chewies. And other valuable goodies.

And...a Secretary of the Treasury? Isn't that the same thing as Boneland Security? I think we can do away with THAT position. There! I haven't even been elected yet and I'm already eliminating big government waste! HA!!

Now I've got to put the computer away and go practice running. I understand this is a RACE! Get out your stopwatches! And REMEMBER! VOTE FOR BENTLEY!!!!

(Thanks to Bernie, Baxter, Jefferson, and Bernie for photos!)

Saturday, July 21, 2012

WOW #68: A Happy Ending!

Hi folks! (Note: We will NOT be mentioning lawsuits ever again!) Last weekend we had SO much fun! Some of our Facebook friends came for a visit and I want to write all about how GREAT that was, but so much happened I got sorta overwhelmed so I've asked all the guests to help me out with THEIR favorite memories and I'll get back to that story soon.

In the meantime I'd like to tell you how the Kutlit Family has been doing. BIG developments there! What's that? Who is the Kutlit Family? I never told you about them? I can't believe it! How did I miss that?

Oh well, let me start at the beginning.

It all started back in the winter when we got a snowstorm. The next morning, Bimmer and Lambchops found these poor little lost lambs outside in the snow.

Needless to say they rushed them right into the house and got them warmed up. Pretty soon they were frisking all over the place.

Lambchops was able to find out that they were from Ohio and that they were part of this huge clan called the Kutlits. Their own personal branch of the family is the Borghinis.

Here they are: Lam, Sam, Cam and Pam

At first we thought they'd just gotten lost in the storm, but before long we discovered EVIL was at work!

We heard from the little Borghinis' mother...or so we thought...and she said that she was coming to pick up the little lambs.

BUT...when Auntie A saw the picture, she put us wise in a hurry. It seems there's a group out there known as EATLAMB! (Every American Trap Lambs And Make Breakfast) Isn't that awful? Auntie A recognized the so called mother lamb as one of their decoys. We really scurried around after that! Lambchops and Bimmer rushed the little lambs inside where Turbo could keep a watch over them. I Googled EATLAMB but I couldn't find out very much...just that they appear to have originated in Chicago and they're looking to start the next big fast food trend - Lamb Pops.

After that we had to be very careful, but fortunately, the Borghini Daddy showed up.
Ram Borghini affectionately known as "Dodge Ram"

The little lambs knew him at once so we felt safe in welcoming him into the family. He and his wife Mam had been in hiding and somehow the poor little lambs got separated from them. They thought that EATLAMB had surely gotten them and were very excited when their pictures turned up on Facebook. They had to separate to try to stay safe and for a long time, we were afraid that EATLAMB had caught poor Mam.

This week though we got the biggest surprise ever! Bimmer was tidying up the living room the other day after all the company had gone away again (we sure do miss them all!) and she found someone hiding in her bed!

Now Bimmer was pretty sure that she'd just found Mam, but the poor little Mommy was so nervous that Bimmer just settled in to calm her down a little bit.

THEN we called Dodge Ram in to see her. It's sort of hard to get him away from the lambs for any length of time, he's VERY protective, but Turbo promised to look after them. It was so touching when they met and sort of romantic too!

We're still not completely sure how she got here, we only know my friend, and Bimmer's cousin, Bernie has a lamb friend named Lambie and that somehow Lambie and a pancake house were involved!

THEN it was time for Mam to see her babies. She was soooooo happy! So were the lambs!

She gave them all lots of kisses and they ran all over the place baaing like you wouldn't believe!

We did manage to get a good shot or two of the happy family.

And then it was time to put the little babies to bed. They were so happy to have Mam sing them lullabies again. They've missed her Sooooooo much!

So has Ram! He's so proud of his little family!

And THAT my friends is the story of the Borghini family, complete with happy ending!

Check back tomorrow when I MAY make an important announcement. I haven't quite decided yet...

We'll see!

Saturday, July 14, 2012

WOW #67: Detective Bimmer Sets the Record Straight!

Hi there everybody! It's me, Bimmer. Part time detective and full time princess at your service.

I've been thinking there was something a little fishy about this whole lawsuit thingy and so I've done a little checking.

First of all, I disguised myself as a nurse and went to check on MooseDog in the ICU.

He's improving a lot, but he says he hasn't talked to ANY lawyers and isn't planning to sue Dr. Mummy. (He does like the sound of all those treats though.)

When I got back from the ICU, I noticed Bentley hanging around Mummy's computer looking sort of furtive... after he was out of sight, I sneaked over and took a look...

...and GASP! I found the template for that lawyer's business card!

Hmmm...I decided to do some more checking and I found this very telling photograph of "the incident"...

(One thing Bentley failed to mention in HIS blog the other day is that when MooseDog got injured in that Tug O War accident, he was actually being used as THE ROPE!) I thought more investigation was needed so next I checked the Olympic website and what do you know? Tug O War is NOT an Olympic event at all!

In case you were wondering if this was a one time thing, here's another photo for you...

What IS that you say? Well at one time it was the leg of a very cute kitty cat. I leave you to draw your own conclusions.

Now, you're probably wondering about the hydrotherapy/cotton candy thing. Well let me show you a couple of interesting items.

This is Exhibit A:

...or as we like to call him: Fuzzy.

Fuzzy showed up after Bentley's bath the other night.

Now THIS is Exhibit B:

...AKA Whitey.

Whitey made his appearance not long after TURBO's bath last night.

These are my conclusions:

1. MooseDog doesn't know anything about any lawsuit against Dr. Mummy.

2. BENTLEY used Mummy's computer to make that lawyer card.

3. If anybody is culpable for MooseDog's pain and mental anguish and so forth, it would be a couple of culprits who shall remain nameless (but they're my brothers!)

4. Little furry creatures just automatically appear after dogs take baths and since MooseDog is part dog, that "cotton candy" in the washing machine was actually HIS bath leftovers and not some terrible, awful injury at all.

Whew! Now that we've got that taken care of, let me get ready for a royal outing with my queen!

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

WOW #66: Look Out for the Ambulance Chasers!

Greetings everyone! Bentley here! I need a new typist! Or perhaps a happier day job for my current typist. I don't know.

Anyway, I have sort of upsetting news! All my Facebook pals probably remember what happened with my cute little Moose Dog a while back. For those of you who aren't "in the know", let me quickly fill you in...

This is Moose Dog.

Cute little fellow, isn't he?

Tragically, while training for the Olympic Tug O War Event, Moose Dog was seriously injured! Turbo and I discovered him in the "gym" in great pain!

It must have been a terrible accident! I don't quite know what happened. *Rolls eyes innocently*

We rushed him straight to Dr. Mummy for surgery and she worked very hard for hours and HOURS to save him! After surgery he spent quite a long time in the ICU.

Unfortunately we just found out he is SUING Dr. Mummy! He says the surgery went as well as could be expected, but the post-op therapy that was prescribed nearly KILLED him! He says that he really doesn't think the WASHING MACHINE is the best place for wounded athletes like him to receive hydrotherapy!

We can't post such graphic photos in a family blog, but you've seen cotton candy machines? You know what that looks like with the fluffy stuff all around the sides? That's pretty much how Moose Dog looked after his first therapy session!

He was recently approached by an attorney who handles cases like this all the time. Here's his card:

Mr. Barkley is sure Moose Dog can get a huge settlement! The list of complaints include:

1. Pain and Suffering
2. Emotional Distress
3. No Olympic Medal
4. Loss of Wages
5. Skinny Antlers

Mr. Barkley has drawn up a list of demands and he is pretty sure we...uh, I mean...Moose Dog can win most if not all of them.

Here they are:

1. Cookies!
2. Snausages!
3. TBonz!
(LOTS of all of these)

4. Bacon!
5. Bully Sticks!

(LOTS of these too!)

6. Two trips per month to Five Guys for 2 years (For Moose Dog AND his good pal Bentley!

Also a large assortment of new toys and a special blanket just for Moose Dog.

Mr. Barkley says this case will probably be settled out of court, but not to worry if there's a trial. He says Moose Dog (and his good pal Bentley) are so cute we -uh- THEY will just naturally win!

I don't know what Dr. Mummy is going to do! Mr. Barkley hasn't heard anything from her attorney yet. I'll keep you posted!