Sunday, August 26, 2012

WOW #72: How to Win Over Congress and the Press!

Greetings friends and future constituents! It's really fun on the campaign trail. I'm meeting lots of friends who are very excited about this election. One question that I get asked a lot is: how will you manage to work with Congress and the Press? It seems getting along with these two organizations is very important to a President's success! Well, I have the perfect way to deal with them! Are you ready for this?

Here it is:

I call it "da LOOK"

No one can resist this for long. I've been practicing for YEARS!

Why I even practiced it on Auntie A the very first day I came to live with Mummy!

You may remember I had to win her over!

But WHO could resist this face?

I worked on my posture some too over the next few weeks.

Body language is VERY important. I do hope I was conveying the correct amount of pathos in this picture!

I'm sure Presidents need a way to let people know that they need a break before they start being Presidential again.

And then there's the old "Gotta Love Me - Give Me What I Want" version of Da LOOK that every Basset knows:

I've been practicing this one for years too.

I'm telling you, being adorable is important to EVERY profession! I think that's the reason most recent Presidents have been perceived as not very good at the job: they weren't adorable enough.

See? It's an art form!

Da Look is important for visiting dignitaries also. When I went to visit Bailey, De Queen, she not only granted me an audience

she was so impressed with my deferential behavior and my excellent mastery of Da LOOK, she made me an honorary Knight!

Da LOOK can also be used to show one's thoughtful side. A President must look thoughtful. No one would trust a President who can't be thoughtful!

A variation on this is "thoughtful and CONCERNED"

This version of da LOOK can be used during all national emergencies.

A President should convey the idea that he can't eat or sleep because he's too busy being Concerned about whatever emergency it happens to be and Thoughtful about how to solve it!

Now if all else fails and Congress and the Press remain hardhearted (I can't imagine that they would, but who knows?) There's one final variation of da LOOK that ought to win the day.

I call it "Pathetic and Disappointed"

(It's good to have your Vice President backing you up in this.

It's necessary to be careful with this look. I wouldn't want to appear to sulk

Instead, I look saddened by the behavior of those who have displeased me as if my heart is breaking

And I give them "the eye" to let them know I will not put up with this much longer, they need to mend their ways.

This leads me to a more "take charge" version of this attitude: the "I'm Running Out of Patience and It's Time For You to Get Your Act Together Congress/Press" look

And if they're being really ridiculous, I can always get the American people (and dogs) (and cats) (and birds, bears, hamsters etc) to join me in questioning what in the world they are actually trying to do!

Finally if all else fails...if Congress won't go along with my sensible plans...if the Press tries to say I'm not a good President (because of course I WILL be, the very best!) I'll go straight to the American Public with THIS look - the big guns version of da LOOK

Then everyone will just say, "oh look how mean the Congress and the Press are being to poor wonderful President Bentley! THAT'll teach 'em! Heh Heh!

Okay, I need to get back to stumping now! I'll try to keep you updated from my next whistlestop.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

WOW #71: Campaign Duties

Hi Everybody!

It has been such a busy week! I've had so many meetings for all sorts of things!

One thing that my committee felt was very important was the selection of my campaign button.

They brought me several designs.

It was sooooo hard choosing just one!

I had to deliberate for a really long time.

I tried moving them around in different positions to see them all in the best light.

Then I tried them on to see which one looked the best...

FINALLY I was able to make my selection!

This is the final choice:

Some people are saying they'd like to have one, so we've ordered some and since we like to support Basset Rescue organizations, Bimmer and I are both going to walk in the BROOD Ramble in September. BROOD stands for Basset Rescue of Old Dominion. Bimmer is walking in memory of her good friend Bimmer Gibbons and I'll be walking in memory of the sweet and beautiful Cindy Lou Best.

We've set up a page where you can donate to BROOD in memory of these two special friends and anyone who does can get a "Bentley for President" button!

Here's the link:

We're so excited about the ramble! Even Turbo thinks he might take a day off from watching the races and head up to Frederick, MD with us for this event. We're planning to see a lot of our friends there and we'll be doing some major campaigning too! Hope to see you there!

Now I really have to go! This campaigning is really, REALLY exhausting work!

Monday, August 6, 2012

Wow #70: My First Campaign Speech

*Taps mic* Is this thing on? Testing, testing, can everybody hear me?

AHEM! I've heard that speech making is an important part of any campaign and so here I am ready to make one. It has come to my attention that while the humans have a list of rights written right into the Constitution, there's no Bill of Rights for Dogs! In view of this gross oversight, I have written one. Now, I'd like to stop here for a minute and say that just because I only wrote the Doggie Bill of Rights does NOT mean that I'm not in favor of rights for all species! It's just that as a DOG, I'm not familiar with the rights that a cat, or bird, or bear or yes even a squirrel might want, so I invite each of the types of animals to compose their own Bill of Rights and we as Americans will respect them all.

Now without further ado, here are the rights I think all dogs should have:

1. First and MOST important: Every dog has the right to a loving and happy home! This should be non-negotiable. No more puppy mills, or dog fighting rings! And be sure to spay or neuter your pet so that the dog population doesn't outgrow the population of kind and generous humans (remember this population is not as large as it should be).

2. Everybody has the right to woof their own woof.

My beautiful sister Bimmer is demonstrating a way to take advantage of this right.

3. Dogs should be welcome in any church they might wish to attend, IF they wish to attend.

4. Dogs have the right to assemble together:

At Waddles:

At Weddings:

At Parties:


Not to mention anywhere else they want to, as long as they are law abiding and peaceful.

5. Dogs have the right to cookies and all other treats on demand.

6. Dogs have (or OUGHT to have) the right to visit their favorite restaurants whenever they want.

(I understand that dogs in SOME countries DO have this right! I can't believe that in the "Land of the Free", we have to worry about silly "health rules"!)

7. Dogs have the right to sleep on the furniture whenever they so choose.

My good pal Bernie demonstrates a great way to avail yourself of this right.

8. Dogs have the right to an unlimited supply of bacon.

Bacon is not simply a "treat" it is a way of life and an inalienable right!

9. Every dog has the right to carry a big stick!

(uhhh, rubber chicken!)

Let's try that again.

(Well a pencil is sort of a stick and they do say the pen is mightier than the sword, so there!)

*Rolls eyes* (I can't BELIEVE I didn't have a single "dogwithastick" picture!)

10. Dogs have a right to bring evildoers (like cookie thieves and lambnappers) to a speedy trial:

AND to mete out suitable punishment:

That's proper justice right there.

11. Dogs have a right to due process BEFORE they are imprisoned...especially in their own office!

Important Note: A skittish customer DOES NOT equal due process!!!

12. All powers not given to the Federal government shall be reserved to the States, and the People, AND THE DOGS!

(That one's in the humans' Bill of Rights, but I think they may have forgotten it, so I thought I'd throw it in here.)

So in conclusion, we hold these truths to be self-evident, that every dog has been granted certain rights and must be vigilant in guarding said rights both for the individual and for the population!

WHEW!!! Speechmaking is HARD WORK! I think it's time for cookies! (That was Right Number 5, in case you missed that part.)