*Taps mic* Is this thing on? Testing, testing, can everybody hear me?
AHEM! I've heard that speech making is an important part of any campaign and so here I am ready to make one. It has come to my attention that while the humans have a list of rights written right into the Constitution, there's no Bill of Rights for Dogs! In view of this gross oversight, I have written one. Now, I'd like to stop here for a minute and say that just because I only wrote the Doggie Bill of Rights does NOT mean that I'm not in favor of rights for all species! It's just that as a DOG, I'm not familiar with the rights that a cat, or bird, or bear or yes even a squirrel might want, so I invite each of the types of animals to compose their own Bill of Rights and we as Americans will respect them all.
Now without further ado, here are the rights I think all dogs should have:
1. First and MOST important: Every dog has the right to a loving and happy home! This should be non-negotiable. No more puppy mills, or dog fighting rings! And be sure to spay or neuter your pet so that the dog population doesn't outgrow the population of kind and generous humans (remember this population is not as large as it should be).
2. Everybody has the right to woof their own woof.
My beautiful sister Bimmer is demonstrating a way to take advantage of this right.
3. Dogs should be welcome in any church they might wish to attend, IF they wish to attend.
4. Dogs have the right to assemble together:
AND ON FACEBOOK!!! DOGGONE IT!!!!!
Not to mention anywhere else they want to, as long as they are law abiding and peaceful.
5. Dogs have the right to cookies and all other treats on demand.
6. Dogs have (or OUGHT to have) the right to visit their favorite restaurants whenever they want.
(I understand that dogs in SOME countries DO have this right! I can't believe that in the "Land of the Free", we have to worry about silly "health rules"!)
7. Dogs have the right to sleep on the furniture whenever they so choose.
My good pal Bernie demonstrates a great way to avail yourself of this right.
8. Dogs have the right to an unlimited supply of bacon.
Bacon is not simply a "treat" it is a way of life and an inalienable right!
9. Every dog has the right to carry a big stick!
(uhhh, rubber chicken!)
Let's try that again.
(Well a pencil is sort of a stick and they do say the pen is mightier than the sword, so there!)
*Rolls eyes* (I can't BELIEVE I didn't have a single "dogwithastick" picture!)
10. Dogs have a right to bring evildoers (like cookie thieves and lambnappers) to a speedy trial:
AND to mete out suitable punishment:
That's proper justice right there.
11. Dogs have a right to due process BEFORE they are imprisoned...especially in their own office!
Important Note: A skittish customer DOES NOT equal due process!!!
12. All powers not given to the Federal government shall be reserved to the States, and the People, AND THE DOGS!
(That one's in the humans' Bill of Rights, but I think they may have forgotten it, so I thought I'd throw it in here.)
So in conclusion, we hold these truths to be self-evident, that every dog has been granted certain rights and must be vigilant in guarding said rights both for the individual and for the population!
WHEW!!! Speechmaking is HARD WORK! I think it's time for cookies! (That was Right Number 5, in case you missed that part.)