Sunday, August 26, 2012

WOW #72: How to Win Over Congress and the Press!

Greetings friends and future constituents! It's really fun on the campaign trail. I'm meeting lots of friends who are very excited about this election. One question that I get asked a lot is: how will you manage to work with Congress and the Press? It seems getting along with these two organizations is very important to a President's success! Well, I have the perfect way to deal with them! Are you ready for this?

Here it is:

I call it "da LOOK"

No one can resist this for long. I've been practicing for YEARS!

Why I even practiced it on Auntie A the very first day I came to live with Mummy!

You may remember I had to win her over!

But WHO could resist this face?

I worked on my posture some too over the next few weeks.

Body language is VERY important. I do hope I was conveying the correct amount of pathos in this picture!

I'm sure Presidents need a way to let people know that they need a break before they start being Presidential again.

And then there's the old "Gotta Love Me - Give Me What I Want" version of Da LOOK that every Basset knows:

I've been practicing this one for years too.

I'm telling you, being adorable is important to EVERY profession! I think that's the reason most recent Presidents have been perceived as not very good at the job: they weren't adorable enough.

See? It's an art form!

Da Look is important for visiting dignitaries also. When I went to visit Bailey, De Queen, she not only granted me an audience

she was so impressed with my deferential behavior and my excellent mastery of Da LOOK, she made me an honorary Knight!

Da LOOK can also be used to show one's thoughtful side. A President must look thoughtful. No one would trust a President who can't be thoughtful!

A variation on this is "thoughtful and CONCERNED"

This version of da LOOK can be used during all national emergencies.

A President should convey the idea that he can't eat or sleep because he's too busy being Concerned about whatever emergency it happens to be and Thoughtful about how to solve it!

Now if all else fails and Congress and the Press remain hardhearted (I can't imagine that they would, but who knows?) There's one final variation of da LOOK that ought to win the day.

I call it "Pathetic and Disappointed"

(It's good to have your Vice President backing you up in this.

It's necessary to be careful with this look. I wouldn't want to appear to sulk

Instead, I look saddened by the behavior of those who have displeased me as if my heart is breaking

And I give them "the eye" to let them know I will not put up with this much longer, they need to mend their ways.

This leads me to a more "take charge" version of this attitude: the "I'm Running Out of Patience and It's Time For You to Get Your Act Together Congress/Press" look

And if they're being really ridiculous, I can always get the American people (and dogs) (and cats) (and birds, bears, hamsters etc) to join me in questioning what in the world they are actually trying to do!

Finally if all else fails...if Congress won't go along with my sensible plans...if the Press tries to say I'm not a good President (because of course I WILL be, the very best!) I'll go straight to the American Public with THIS look - the big guns version of da LOOK

Then everyone will just say, "oh look how mean the Congress and the Press are being to poor wonderful President Bentley! THAT'll teach 'em! Heh Heh!

Okay, I need to get back to stumping now! I'll try to keep you updated from my next whistlestop.



  2. I can't imagine anyone not voting for you!! Uncle Jim and I went out for dinner tonight and we both wore your campaign buttons. Oddly, nobody asked about you but we won't give up.

    Excellent ideas, Bentley! We love you!!!

  3. Bentley my friend, you atleast have a plan. Follow thru on your beliefs and the rest of us will support you all the way....That is all.....